i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
