I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
this beer tastes like vomit already
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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