There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
