then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I didn't shave. On purpose
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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