hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize