Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
