By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
