His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
