I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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