Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
