would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
