turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
