happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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