i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
