Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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