she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
