she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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