I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
