he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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