I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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