I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
