Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
