Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
