We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
