but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
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You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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