take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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