"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can't put those talents on a resume
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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