His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My pussy is not your playground.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just want nice things and good sex
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
