Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
