Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
