non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
