It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
