i will never coherently bang her
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
