Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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