I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just want to make out with him forever
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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