No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
