I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
