I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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