she told me i tasted like america
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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