I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
