That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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