If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
