Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
