so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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