He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
that may or may not have been my penis.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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