You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
