I've blown a few things in my day
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
