Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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