it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
PANTIES FOUND
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