Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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