You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
