My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We named our party play list daddy issues
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
