Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
