T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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