I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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