I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
