So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
