friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
