Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
