I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
