I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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