You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
