it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
