Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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