whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
