I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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