i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
two words: eviction party
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
