He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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