If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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