Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
