Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
