OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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