i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
