I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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