So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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