I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
