i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
