I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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