I swear she didn't look like that last week.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she told me i tasted like america
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
