i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
