those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
