so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
