you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
