Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
