He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Threesome in a minivan. New low
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
