saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize