omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
