I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
