and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize