I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
