Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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