So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
