I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
