is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
