i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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