we're blogging at a bar
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
