Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
