i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
