nut hugger
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
