If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
