hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
