My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize