There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
