My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
