i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
