im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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