i can't believe i had my finger in that
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
