jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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