found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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