I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
