Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
